


Earth's Mightiest Horror

by TheWerewolfOfWaggaWagga



Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Super Hero Squad Show, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Making fun of TV shows is fun!, Mild Language, Steve is totally a double agent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWerewolfOfWaggaWagga/pseuds/TheWerewolfOfWaggaWagga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when the Avengers stumble across their very own TV show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Earth's Mightiest Horror

Just so you know, I do actually like EMH. I just couldn't resist.

 

 

 

“Guys. . . I think you should see this!” Steve called.

“What is it?” Bruce looked up from his cereal to the super soldier, who was sitting on the couch across the room, staring at the TV.

Tony’s eyes widened as he saw what was on. “Jesus, Steve, _really_?”

“But what is it?” Bruce persisted.

“Lady and gentlemen, non-existent boys and—”

“ _Sir_!” JARVIS interrupted. “It seems…”

“What now?”

“ _Spider-Man_ is requesting entrance to the tower.”

“ _What_? What the hell is he doing here?”

“I do not know, Sir—but he is attempting to climb in through the window.”

The Avengers all turned to look. There, clinging to the glass, was a red and blue-clad figure. A _waving_ red and blue-clad figure.

“Shall I let him in?”

“Oh, why not,” Tony conceded.

The window slid open and Spider-Man clambered inside.

“What’re you guys up to?” he asked.

“We should ask you the same,” Natasha replied.

“Oh, you know, just… _hangin’_. I'm bored as hell so I thought ‘why not, maybe I’ll just _swing by_ ’, and here I am. So, my question—what are you _spiders_ doing? Get it, I said ‘spiders’ instead of ‘cats’—like ‘cool cats’, you know? Cos’ otherwise I’d be Catman or some other _silk_. See what I did there? Silk, instead of sh—”

“Enough with the lame spider puns!” Clint interrupted.

“Geez, alright, no need to _screech_.”

Clint groaned. “No bird puns, either!”

“Careful, or your throat might be a little _Hulks_. Instead of hoarse, yeah?”

“This is getting tiring,” Thor protested.

“What’s wrong, Mr Buzzkill? _Mjolnir_ not get out enough?”

“That’s enough!” Tony nearly yelled. “This is my tower, and you can either shut up or go home. Besides, even I could do better than that.”

Spider-Man looked a little taken aback. “Speaking of which, ‘Capsicle’ hasn’t said a word since I got here. I think he might be _frozen_.”

“You’ve been hanging out with Deadpool again, haven’t you?” Tony deadpanned.

“. . . Yes.”

Steve was still staring intently at the TV screen. Clint had joined him at some point.

“That costume looks a lot like the one I had in the circus,” the archer observed. “And why is my chin so big?”

“You could poke someone’s eye out,” Natasha teased, sitting next to him. Then she frowned. “Why aren't I in it?”

“Oh, you're in it, alright.” Tony said, joining her. “You're just evil.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you work for AIM or Hydra or something.”

“Hydra?” Steve asked, alarmed.

“It’s just a TV show, Steve. Just a TV show.”

“Hmm…” He thought for a moment, then turned his attention back to the huge screen.

“I guess I'm not in it. The Hulk doesn’t really talk like that though, does he?” Bruce said.

“No, of course not,” Clint assured him.

“Am I in it?” Spider-Man inquired.

“Why would you be in it? You're not an Avenger.”

“Ant-Man and Wasp are in it!”

“Good point. What are the green pixie things?” Clint asked Tony.

“Skrulls.”

“Skulls?”

“No, not‘skulls’, you idiot— _Skrulls_. They’re shapeshifters.”

“Why on Earth would you shoot Hulk in the chest?” Steve interrupted.

“ _What_?” Bruce and Clint both said.

“Just now; you fired two arrows at him and they stuck to his chest.”

Everyone looked intently at the TV.

_‘Tick tick boom.’_

_Tick… tick… BWHOOM!_

“ _The fuck_?!” Clint exclaimed. “. . . That… was…”

“Awesome!” Spider-Man finished.

The two high-fived. “Maybe you aren't so bad, hey Webhead?”

“I thought no more puns?”

“Right then, just not bad ones. Deal?”

“Duck.”

“That sounds nothing like ‘deal’, you know that?”

“Albatross.”

“What the hell was that meant to be?”

“‘Alright’. As in, ‘alright, keep your feathers on’, or ‘alright, don’t get your beak in a twist’.”

“That was pathetic.”

“I know.”

“Maybe just no more puns at all, then.”

“Down.”

“Done?”

“Yeah.”

“Tony, you still didn’t answer my question.” Bruce accused.

The billionaire took a deep breath. “That, lady and gentlemen, boy and non-existent girls, was ‘Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’.”

“Friend Rogers, please change the channel, I beg of you. This is embarrassing.”

Steve pressed ‘down’, and immediately regretted it.

 

_When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout, now WHO'S GONNA HERO UP? Well they may not get along, but they're always fighting strong, now WHO'S GONNA HERO UP? Who'll save the daaay? The Super Hero Squad They'll hero up, agaaaaain Super Hero Squad HERO UP!_

“GOD ROGERS NO!!!” Tony cried.

“WHAT IS THIS MONSTROSITY?” Thor boomed.

_Super Hero Squad HERO UP!_

“WEBHEAD AND ROGERS, LET GO OF MY FUCKING ARMS!! NOT ALL OF US HAVE SUPER STRENGTH YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK THEM! OH, OH GOD TURN THIS THING OFF RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO SPAZ. . . HOLY. . . SHIT… THERE I… GO…” Tony panted.

 

_Wolverine and Hulk are fierce Doctor Doom is up in tears When Iron man joins the fight Falcon bursts in from the sky Silver Surfer by his side Thor's Hammer has thunder's miiiiight_

“BUT DOOM AND SURFER ARE _OUR_ BADDIES!” Steve protested.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ROGERS, WE’VE NEVER EVEN MET THEM!” Natasha said, her breathing rapid now.

“WHAT, NO, RIGHT, YES. I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A SECRET DOUBLE LIFE WITH THE FANTASTIC FOUR OR ANYTHING!!”

“WHO THE HELL IS FALCON?!” Bruce asked.

_Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad They'll hero up, agaiiiiiin Super Hero Squad HERO UP!_

“S’CUSE ME, I JUST NEED TO GO HULK OUT NOW BYE!!” Bruce leapt up and shot from the room.

 

_Super Hero Squad HERO UP! Super Hero Squad HERO UP! SUPER HERO SQUAD!!!_

 

“FEAR NOT!” Thor cried, hand outstretched. As Mjolnir flew towards his open palm, the six heroes heard one last sound;

_I hate those squaddies!_

No-one spoke. The only sound was Tony frantically gasping for air; the only sight was the smoke coming from the ruined TV.

Eventually it was Spider-Man who spoke.

“Was that. . . oh God, was that… _Wolverine_?” he managed.

Clint swallowed, hard. “Yep,” he breathed.

“What the _FUCK_ was he wearing?”


End file.
